Going through a breakup, whether it was a long-term relationship or something shorter, is never an easy thing. We’re not just mourning the loss of someone in our lives, but we’re mourning the potential of what could have been. It’s normal to make plans with someone, even if you don’t say them aloud, and letting go of what you thought “might have been” and re-thinking your future is hard. And getting back out there? Daunting and frustrating.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed by all of these feelings and find yourself in a funk, or even exhibiting destructive behaviors so you don’t have to deal with your feelings. To help you move forward and get to a better place faster, here are six tips that you can implement now, share with a friend, or keep in your back pocket for the future.
- Fall apart and feel everything. This may seem counterintuitive - fall apart? Yes, you need to let yourself feel the pain and have your breakdown so you can let it all go and move forward. Numbing yourself and packing down the feelings deep inside will only cause you grief later.
- Surrender your timeline for getting over the breakup. You’ve heard the saying that it takes half the amount of time you were together to get over it, but you can’t base your own experience on anyone else’s or even your own previous experiences. Many of us love structure, but know that it will happen when it happens and don’t pressure yourself into feeling differently than you do.
- Learn to lean on the people in your life. You might want to hide your emotions, but letting them all out to people who love you can be incredibly therapeutic. Don’t worry about being an inconvenience - would you tell your friend to stop if they were sharing how they felt with you? No. Let them be there for you.
- Focus on helping others. Focusing solely on yourself and your pain can get depressing and tiresome. Helping others, whether that’s a friend or volunteering for a charity, can not only get your mind off of your own problems, but it can make you feel so much better. Find something you’re passionate about, or simply get a friend to volunteer at a soup kitchen with you, and you’ll find yourself smiling, even if it’s just for a little bit.
- Let yourself appreciate the good moments. When we’re feeling down about anything in our lives, sometimes we can get a little dramatic and not want to enjoy anything. Don’t do this to yourself - enjoy the happy moments, the laughter, and the joy. Even little things, like a beautiful sunny day. It doesn’t make your pain less significant, it just makes it more bearable.
- Treat yourself with compassion. You might like to think you’re tough and that you should “get over it”, but is that what you’d tell a loved one who is hurting? Treat yourself with the same compassion that you treat others. Give yourself time and take it easy for a while if that feels best for you.
